I’ve been told to tell you all heaven is closed. Not permanently, but until further notice. Uriel, the Angel of Wisdom and Flame, the Archangel of Salvation? Yes, that’s the one. They talk to me on the regular. I’ve been wondering if I should share. I don’t want to look like I am losing it, you know? But they threatened my life because Uriel doesn’t fuck around. With that blade lightly poking my brain they asked me, Why do you care if people think you are nuts in a world gone bananas? 

People have mystical experiences all the time. They see Jesus in a grilled cheese sandwich, and everyone is suddenly supposed to listen. But when I say an angel digitally downloaded divine knowledge into my brain, I’m being questioned? Anyway, Uriel doesn’t come with fire and brimstone. They just show up unannounced like a diva and say stuff (again, brain download – very efficient).  But this is the particular message I’ve been assigned to share: 

”Heaven’s closed, Bitch. No one is getting in until you figure out how to stop making Earth a colossal dump. Not because God doesn’t love y’all, but because you’ve collectively proven that you don’t deserve heaven. Not yet. Get to work.” 

 And honestly? That tracks.

And look, I know someone will throw Paul’s words at me: by faith, not by works, are you saved. And sure, that’s in the Bible. But you know what else is in the Bible? God changing Their mind all the time! Flood, no flood. Sacrifice your son. Just kidding, don’t. Nineveh, you’re done for! Never mind, y’all repented. 

We took one line about faith being enough and stretched it so far out of context that we used it as an excuse to do absolutely nothing. That was never the point. Faith was supposed to transform humanity into something better, not give us a free pass to be complete assholes.

People act like heaven is a reward, like we can behave however we want down here as long as we check the right theological boxes. But Uriel made it clear: paradise isn’t a participation trophy. We’re not getting in until we show we can handle basic decency. If we can’t be trusted to share resources, not destroy the planet, and not immediately form warring factions over the placement of a stop sign, why would we be trusted with eternity?

Uriel wasn’t angry, just profoundly disappointed, which, I have to say, is much worse. When an angel downloads pure celestial despair into your consciousness, it hits harder than realizing you should have pooped before driving into rush hour traffic. 

They Dirged on, 

“You pray for peace while picking fights. You talk about love while finding increasingly creative ways to be cruel. You think you’re entitled to a perfect afterlife when you won’t even pick up trash in a public park.”

Uriel’s exhaustion and disappointment hit me hard. I rarely picked up trash in the public park, but I do now! I am here to tell you that my mystical experience of faith is no mental health concern. If personal divine encounters are genuine, then they all have to count. And if they all count, then Uriel’s message deserves IMMEDIATE attention.

So please listen: Heaven will always be waiting. According to my message from Uriel, the only way forward is not through blind faith but through the work of building something worthy of eternity. We aren’t getting into heaven until we stop treating this planet and each other like garbage. Heaven exists. We’re just locked out until further notice.